Friendships and Community
This is a conversation I had a while ago with one of my good friends. It's something I still think about a lot today, as I deal with my friends on a daily basis. Please comment with anything that comes to your mind, I don't want to lecture, I want to discuss.
Sam: I've been doing a lot of thinking about the sad state of friendships. We choose people to spend time with, we hang out with them, we eat food with them. But how often do relationships go deeper than that? How often do we allow ourselves to keep a sub-standard status quo with our relationships? Why don't we dig deeper? Why don't we take the time to not only ask "How are you doing?" but also take the time to actually listen and respond to them? I'm fairly tired of having friendships that don't go any deeper than discussing how school is, and if your car is still running. Why is keeping us from connecting on deeper levels?
Daryl: Amen, only one or two really close friends is so much better than an entourage of followers.Freshman year I was like that. I did tons of things with a bunch of people. But now I'm settling down and I'd be fine to mainly have just a few close friends who you care about and who care about you.
Sam: I agree with you, but I also don't think we have to limit ourselves to just a few close friends. Granted, you'll most likely only ever have a few really close friends at a time, but I think we should also try and get closer to all the other friends that are willing (cause not all are). I'm really talking about kicking all the relationships in a community up a notch, an overall increase of unity and connectivity. This would allow for everyone to still keep their few close friends, but it would still be able to be close with a bunch of other people. And I see a lot of benefits from that, once everyone is personally and spiritually close. I think people would really start to become Brothers and Sisters in Christ, and they'd really become invested in each others lives. I think that is the kind of community that the Disciples had after they had been with Jesus for a while. And I think it would be the most ideal situation for personal and spiritual growth individually and corporately.
Daryl: I hear what you're saying and I really like the idea. I just wish that I had the time to do that. Cause unfortunately it does take time to get close to people, I have several friends who I've lost contact with (including most high school friends) because I just don't have the time during the school year to hang out or talk on any regular basis.
Sam: I know what you're saying about time, and I do understand that it can be hard to find time for things like that. But I think that if we all really checked our priorities, we'd probably be able to find more time to meet with people and get to know them. I think that we, as Christians, tend to take the easy way out of things and we justify our lack of weekly "spiritual" events by saying that we have other stuff that takes precedence or is more important. Granted, some things are very important. Work, school, these things can't be neglected. But we can choose the other things we do in life. I'm sure a lot of mothers will complain about having to do tons of stuff like make food and do laundry and clean the house, and frankly, I think sometimes they choose to be martyrs, they make themselves extremely busy and feel the need to do anything and everything under the sun. Taking care of their children is one thing, but once children are of a more independent age, mothers (I guess I should say parents) have the right and opportunity to start up their spiritual habits/events again.
While talking about children, especially small ones, I'd like to say something about new parents. New parents, the ones with their first child, have a lot of things to adjust to. They are a couple one day, and the next they are the full-time caretakers of a little human. What I don't get is why a community doesn't come around these new parents to support and mentor these parents as they begin a new session of their lives. I'm not saying the community of friends should raise the child, but I've seen too many new parents sort of disappear from the social scene because of their child. Yes, babies cry a lot, thus making it hard for them to be in public. So, why don't families and friends go TO these parents so that they can still take part in fellowship? Everyone knows the old adage about villages and children, so why isn't it practiced any more? (I should say, I do see these ideas practiced, but only in certain situations, such as multiple babies, like triples or quads or more. It is this double-standard that I don't get, and I think is a little unfair.)
Back to my original point...I think that if we were really super duper dedicated to our faith, we would be way more involved, and we would jump at the chance to have fellowship with believers. There are a few churches I know of that are set up with multiple events each week that members are a part of. A typical Sunday service and typically two small group times during the week that focus on different topics (one is like a Bible study, and one is a single-gender study). So, I know it's not impossible to find time to really get connected with one another, but we live in a society that has become really good at rationalizing things and being selfish with one's time. The more we get connected with each other, I think the more we will want to spend time with each other. And not that we would just hang out, but we would be doing Bible studies or book studies, constantly learning about our faith and each other. I suppose I'm putting forth an idealist plan, but I think it is a noble goal, and one that is reachable.
Sam: I've been doing a lot of thinking about the sad state of friendships. We choose people to spend time with, we hang out with them, we eat food with them. But how often do relationships go deeper than that? How often do we allow ourselves to keep a sub-standard status quo with our relationships? Why don't we dig deeper? Why don't we take the time to not only ask "How are you doing?" but also take the time to actually listen and respond to them? I'm fairly tired of having friendships that don't go any deeper than discussing how school is, and if your car is still running. Why is keeping us from connecting on deeper levels?
Daryl: Amen, only one or two really close friends is so much better than an entourage of followers.Freshman year I was like that. I did tons of things with a bunch of people. But now I'm settling down and I'd be fine to mainly have just a few close friends who you care about and who care about you.
Sam: I agree with you, but I also don't think we have to limit ourselves to just a few close friends. Granted, you'll most likely only ever have a few really close friends at a time, but I think we should also try and get closer to all the other friends that are willing (cause not all are). I'm really talking about kicking all the relationships in a community up a notch, an overall increase of unity and connectivity. This would allow for everyone to still keep their few close friends, but it would still be able to be close with a bunch of other people. And I see a lot of benefits from that, once everyone is personally and spiritually close. I think people would really start to become Brothers and Sisters in Christ, and they'd really become invested in each others lives. I think that is the kind of community that the Disciples had after they had been with Jesus for a while. And I think it would be the most ideal situation for personal and spiritual growth individually and corporately.
Daryl: I hear what you're saying and I really like the idea. I just wish that I had the time to do that. Cause unfortunately it does take time to get close to people, I have several friends who I've lost contact with (including most high school friends) because I just don't have the time during the school year to hang out or talk on any regular basis.
Sam: I know what you're saying about time, and I do understand that it can be hard to find time for things like that. But I think that if we all really checked our priorities, we'd probably be able to find more time to meet with people and get to know them. I think that we, as Christians, tend to take the easy way out of things and we justify our lack of weekly "spiritual" events by saying that we have other stuff that takes precedence or is more important. Granted, some things are very important. Work, school, these things can't be neglected. But we can choose the other things we do in life. I'm sure a lot of mothers will complain about having to do tons of stuff like make food and do laundry and clean the house, and frankly, I think sometimes they choose to be martyrs, they make themselves extremely busy and feel the need to do anything and everything under the sun. Taking care of their children is one thing, but once children are of a more independent age, mothers (I guess I should say parents) have the right and opportunity to start up their spiritual habits/events again.
While talking about children, especially small ones, I'd like to say something about new parents. New parents, the ones with their first child, have a lot of things to adjust to. They are a couple one day, and the next they are the full-time caretakers of a little human. What I don't get is why a community doesn't come around these new parents to support and mentor these parents as they begin a new session of their lives. I'm not saying the community of friends should raise the child, but I've seen too many new parents sort of disappear from the social scene because of their child. Yes, babies cry a lot, thus making it hard for them to be in public. So, why don't families and friends go TO these parents so that they can still take part in fellowship? Everyone knows the old adage about villages and children, so why isn't it practiced any more? (I should say, I do see these ideas practiced, but only in certain situations, such as multiple babies, like triples or quads or more. It is this double-standard that I don't get, and I think is a little unfair.)
Back to my original point...I think that if we were really super duper dedicated to our faith, we would be way more involved, and we would jump at the chance to have fellowship with believers. There are a few churches I know of that are set up with multiple events each week that members are a part of. A typical Sunday service and typically two small group times during the week that focus on different topics (one is like a Bible study, and one is a single-gender study). So, I know it's not impossible to find time to really get connected with one another, but we live in a society that has become really good at rationalizing things and being selfish with one's time. The more we get connected with each other, I think the more we will want to spend time with each other. And not that we would just hang out, but we would be doing Bible studies or book studies, constantly learning about our faith and each other. I suppose I'm putting forth an idealist plan, but I think it is a noble goal, and one that is reachable.
posted by Sam Dodge at 11:30 PM
1 Comments:
Interesting conversation that you had with your friend. I agree that having a community of believers is vital to an individuals faith. He created us to be dependent creatures. As dependent creatures, we need each other. God knows this. That is why He created the church. So that we might have a place to be in communion with one another.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in a book of his..."Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. This can happen even in the midst of a pious community."
This is precisely why friendships appear to be in such a "sad state", as your friend described. The sin in our life pushes us away from close relationships, because it wants remain unknown.
I think God has created the church community for us so that, amongst other things, sin cannot remain in this "alone" state. If it does, it "poisons" us. But if we open ourselves up to those around us...to our brothers and/or sisters in Christ, we are making known to them (confessing) our sin...and thus, hindering it's deadly poison.
Thus, we must commit ourselves to communion with each other.
Community is certainly so much more than this...but i will have to wait for another time to continue...
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